August 29th, 2008
Quick show of hands: how many people out there enjoy the “Jay-walking” segments on The Tonight Show? If you’re not familiar with it, this is where Jay Leno hits the streets with a microphone and asks average people simple questions. For example, “In what year did the Battle of Beroia result in the disappearance of the Pechenegs as an independent force?” The poor interviewee invariably replies with something really stupid, like 1124, when everybody knows it was 1122.
All right, I’m kidding. Usually it’s more along the lines of, “Who was the first president?” which typically fetches a response of, “Abraham Lincoln?” (Hey, could be worse. At least they picked an actual president.)
I imagine if Jay asked people, “Which fast food restaurant would be the better choice for a dieter, McDonald’s or Subway?” most of his victims would reply, “Abraham Lincoln?” Okay … most of them would definitely say “Subway” and ironically, they’d be just as wrong as those who picked Lincoln.
Wait a minute, Charlie … did you say that right? Subway is the wrong answer for the dieter? You’re crazy. Jarad lost eight thousand pounds at Subway. They have forty-seven sandwiches with forty-seven or fewer calories. They sell cookies, that when broken apart, actually have negative calories. I went to a Subway one day, ordered lunch, and actually left two pant sizes smaller. You can’t mean that, Charlie.
Well, according to a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research last October, people ate on average 131% more calories when they thought they were eating healthful alternatives. Ironically, this was on top of the fact that the “healthy” meal already had 50% more calories than the “unhealthy” meal. What does this mean? It means we’re stupid, that’s what.
My advice to everyone (including myself) is simple: use your head. Just because something is “healthy” doesn’t mean it’s free. Pigging out on healthy entrees in a restaurant is no different from eating an entire box of fat free cookies or chowing down a ginormous bucket of fried chicken just because it was cooked in oils containing zero grams of trans fats. Don’t fall for it … or you just might end up on Jay Leno one day.
Posted in Pizza Night | 2 Comments »
August 28th, 2008
Basically speaking, I don’t like exer- cising. I know that’s absolutely the wrong frame of mind. I also know this statement isn’t going to inspire anyone to get up off their rumps and run twenty-six miles tomorrow. But since this blog is a no-nonsense zone (well, once you discount all the nonsense) then I must tell it like it is. And I don’t like exercising.
Yeah, yeah. I have to do it. I understand that. The trouble is finding the motivation. So I set out on a quest: find the motivation. I first assumed that motivation might be found in the form of a handy list of benefits. After searching for weeks, I’m now happy to report it was behind the Doritos. I know! Always the last place you look.
So I hereby share with you, loyal fridgers, the Three Benefits of Exercise. I hope they motivate you as much as they motivate me. Scratch that. I hope they motivate you.
More Energy. There’s universal agreement that the more energy you expend the more energy you’ll have. I don’t get this. I’ve tried this approach with money for years to no avail. Exercise is the same way. I feel pretty darn worn out after exercising. Who knows. Maybe I should just do it more than once every year or two.
Reduce Stress. What you want to do is use the treadmill to run off all that pent up frustration you collected from that big pile of donuts this morning. (It doesn’t matter whether you ate them or skipped over them: either way causes stress.) Plus, when your legs are aching and you’re drenched in sweat, you’re probably not thinking about other stuff. (If you’d like to continue to not think about the other stuff, then I highly recommend staying on the treadmill twenty-four seven.)
Eat More. You’re not burning off all those calories for nothing! You’re doing it for the pizza. C’mon, admit it. I know I am. Now, if I could just figure out why I’m still not losing any weight, I’d be ecstatic. Let me know if you have any tips.
Posted in No Help Here | 1 Comment »
August 27th, 2008
I like humor. This, if you’ve ever spent ten minutes with me, is readily obvious. I believe it’s a grossly underrated tool and for those of you who’ve followed my writing, you know first hand that it’s my weapon of choice in our collective struggle with weight control. I simply enjoy writing things that make people laugh.
Unfortunately, I have to warn you up front: this post isn’t one of them.
I’ve been frantically trying to pull the new site together over the past several weeks. It was more of an undertaking than I thought. I’d struggle with layout and worry about graphics. I’d spend hours trying to do things like make drop shadows look just right — only to cut them out completely the very next day. The minutiae of our day to day tasks overwhelms us at times. We worry about the tiniest of details and easily lose sight of the big picture.
As I spent Sunday evening putting the finishing touches on everything, about nine hundred miles north of me a seventeen year old boy headed a short way out into a lake. No one knows exactly what caused it, but he suddenly panicked. It was obvious something was wrong. One of his three friends, a sixteen year old girl and a strong swimmer herself, immediately went out to help. She did everything she could, but the truth was she was up against someone fifty pounds heavier and who wasn’t thinking clearly. He grabbed a tight hold of her and they both went down.
And just like that, two young lives lost.
Meanwhile, I’m uploading a new web site, worrying about drop-shadows, and trying to think up some goofball material for this week’s posts.
I didn’t know the boy. I might have met the girl once. I honestly don’t know. For the two of you out there who’ve read my book, you might remember Stephanie out of my cast of characters. I’ve known her for more than twenty years now and we’ve spent a huge chunk of that time fretting over one pound lost and two pounds gained. The girl who drowned trying to save her friend was Stephanie’s niece. I found out about the incident just yesterday morning when she sent me a link to an article. I was stunned by the news and spent most of the day thinking about it. A lot.
I didn’t have to know the girl personally to be moved by this. I have my own fifteen year old daughter who has spent plenty of time with friends at the waterside. Maybe that was it. Maybe this was just too close to home. It’s one of those things that only happens to “other people” until you get a slap in the face like this. What I do know is that it definitely gives you a little perspective.
Frankly, though, you can have the perspective back if this is how much it costs.
Posted in Leftovers | 2 Comments »
August 26th, 2008
It’s a fair bet to say that most of us were raised on sugar drinks. And with good reason. What better way to keep a growing kid’s mind sharp and focused than through a daily dose of eight pounds of pure cane sugar dissolved in ice water? I particularly remember summers growing up, my mom administering sugar to us kids at regular intervals, typically in a strong solution of Grape Kool-Aid.
As our count of years and the size of our midsections increased, we quickly realized we had to deal with the excess calories in one way or another. It only took three hundred and seventy-two magazine articles to convince us that switching to diet drinks was a quick fix. They promised us if we dropped the sugar sodas altogether, we could lose up to twelve pounds a week for eighteen straight months.
So we tried diet sodas. GAAACK. Apparently there was one minor detail the magazine articles overlooked. Diet sodas tasted like distilled pondwater with a splash of NyQuil. We dieters soon split into two camps: those that just gave up sodas completely (very few) and those that bit the bullet and kept drinking the pondwater.
If you have yet to make the switch yourself (or are in the former group and would love to taste a bubbly beverage from time to time) I would highly recommend Diet Vernors Ginger Ale. It is, by far, the best ginger ale out there. And I don’t mean that in a subjective, opinionated sort of way. This is an indisputable fact. I’ve known more than one diet soda hater who’s tried this beverage and didn’t spit it right back out. It’s that good.
So give it a shot. If you try it, like it, and it changes your life, please send me a six-pack in appreciation.
Posted in You Know What Sounds Good Right Now? | No Comments »
August 25th, 2008
Welcome to the all new
Back to the Fridge. If you’ve been to this site before, and things are looking a little strange around here today, visit the
What’s New? page for an overview, as well as links to all the old content. If you’re new (or you really don’t care) then by all means continue reading this first post of the newly relaunched site. Just watch out for wet paint.
Ah, Onederland… that one-derful, almost mythical place where my weight, in pounds, begins with the number one. In the whole grand scheme of things, I suppose it’s not a very important place to be. The world has several trillion higher priorities. But unfortunately, this is one of mine.
At least it should be. I mean, if it were an actual priority I’d be there by now, wouldn’t I? The fact that I’ve had eighty-eight Day Ones is starting to make me think, “Hmmm… maybe this isn’t the priority I thought it was. Perhaps even I have several trillion higher priorities.”
If you’re new here, I highly recommend reading these two posts from the old blog to get you up to speed:
In short, about a year ago I started on my last trip back to Onederland. I dropped about twenty pounds in two months, then it stopped. Bam. After many half-hearted attempts at restarting, I finally got going again on July 28. I’ll keep you posted. I mean, of course I’ll keep you posted. It’s what this stupid blog is for in the first place.
Anyway, welcome to my first post of Back to the Fridge 2: Electric Boogaloo. Thanks for tuning in. I hope you like it here. Stop by every day for something new, or just be lazy and have the site delivered to you. Links are at the right.
Posted in Return to Onederland | 1 Comment »
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