Book Cover

This is my book. It looks like a diet book. It's not. You should buy it. It costs only a little more than a movie and it lasts a lot longer.

Click here to visit Amazon.

Click here to buy a signed copy directly from me.


Blogroll

Food and Money

May 29th, 2009

Nothing quite brings these two topics closer together than going out to eat. If you’re familiar with me and my writing I like cheap food. And more than that, I just like being cheap period. I highly dislike spending money for no reason at all; and for me “fancy food” gets really darn close to “no reason at all.”

As a picky eater, I like burgers and fries and sugar free Jell-O. I’m exceedingly easy to please for six bucks. In fact, the fancier (and by that I mean “weirder”) the food gets, the less I like it. Ironically, this is the food that also costs the most, so for me it’s a no brainer: a cheapskate isn’t going to spend more money on something he actually highly dislikes. I can see if you really, really liked that stuff, then you could easily justify spending more for the gastronomic experience. For me it’s like someone saying, “Here, I’m going to stick you with this pin. Oh, and by the way, you owe me a hundred bucks for the service.”

Plus, the practical person in me knows that my tummy doesn’t realize how much the food costs. If I spend $5 for a meal or $50, I’m not actually buying (or eating) ten times more food. An hour or two later, I’m still going to be hungry again and have my fist in a bag of sour cream and cheddar Ruffles. Except I know I’ll be out an extra $45 which will certainly drive this miser to several additional and wholly unnecessary handfuls of chips.

The moral of the story? Take me to Long John Silver’s for some chicken planks, of course. I thought it was obvious…

Posted in Pizza Night | 12 Comments »

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

May 28th, 2009

Last week I asked for some help on this whole blogging thing, and boy did I get it.

First up, thanks for all the comments. Really, really. Comments are how I know real, live human beings are showing up every day and not just two hundred scammers trying to sell fake watches and cheap pharmaceuticals. It really makes a huge difference. More on that next week…

Actually, more on everything next week. Today I just want to respond directly to a few of last week’s comments. I’d love to respond to every single one of them, but to be honest, I’m basically a very lazy person.

Anne said, “If you force yourself to blog each day, your blog will feel forced.” And that will probably become more and more evident. On a different topic I’m embarrassed it took me about twenty minutes to figure out the Debbie Downer reference. I kept thinking where have I heard that line before?! Duhhh…

Sancho, et al suggested guest posters to take off the heat. Sounds like we have some volunteers! To be honest, though, I doubt BTTF will ever have guest posts. (Ne dit jamais jamais) The primary reason for this is that the primary reason for this blog is to showcase my mad writing skillz. (At least that’s the goal. Doesn’t actually always work out like that.)

Amy C. Yes, you can have two votes.

Loki wrote, “But if you do take that break, please please please come back to us! Your journey is inspiring and has reinvigorated my personal weight loss goals.” Wow. And here I was thinking I was just being a goofball. Roni privately said the same thing to me once, that I was this kind of blogger whether I personally believed I was or not. I guess I believe it now.

Joe knows what the voices in my head sound like. That’s spooky.

Tuscany mentioned, “Just cos people dont comment it doesnt mean they dont read.” I agree. But like I said, it sure helps. :)

Quix. Bored at work? Bored at work? I thought you said you worked in the MMO industry?

Suzie sounds like my newest reader. You read every single post? Sounds like you might even be in the running for president of my fan club. That used to be Megan. (Do you still stop by sometimes, Megan?) It’s interesting the way the blog audience dynamic constantly changes.

So thanks again for all the words. Tune in next week for the conclusion of this riveting three-part episode.

Posted in No Help Here | 20 Comments »

Dang It

May 27th, 2009

I didn’t get a chance to write a post last night. I got up early to try and write one this morning, but that didn’t work out. I now have four minutes. It’s do or die time. Write a post or skip yet another day.

Okay, just as an experiment, let’s see what I can do in four minutes. First, I need a topic.

It’s “Leftovers” day, so … hmmm … anything goes. Let’s Google something for “Random Topic Generator”. Hang on…

Okay, first one got me this hit, “A synchronized proxy network for a high-level functional toolkit.” And only two minutes to go, if you can believe this small bit of writing already sucked up half the allotted time. Now for the post!

The other day I was at work and someone came into my office to talk about a synchronized proxy network for a high-level functional toolkit. I asked, “Okay, so what about this synchronized proxy network? Do you think it will work for a high-level functional toolkit?” My coworker replied, “Of course it will. It will also work for low-level non-functional toolkits as well. It can’t be beat.”

I thought to myself for a while and decided that instead of synchronized proxy networks, what we really needed was a trip to the vending machine for several fun-size bags of Cheez-Its. Because if someone ever comes up to you and asks you, “Functional toolkit or Cheez-Its?” you know what the right answer is.

Dang it. That’s four minutes. Time’s up!

I knew this was a bad idea…

Posted in Leftovers | 9 Comments »

Pringles

May 26th, 2009

At times there are foods so spectacularly good, I alone cannot find the words to properly describe them. Though I do not speak of Pringles as often as other foods around here, this does not diminish my love of this well-formed, duck-billed potato crisp.

So let us turn to the works of prose of the great wordsmiths of the ages, and let them speak for me today. In fact, watch closely and you’ll hardly see my lips moving.

We begin, of course, with the one and only William Shakespeare.

O Pringles, Pringles, wherefore art thou Pringles?
I must deny thy crispy goodness and refuse thy tastiness;
For if I wilt not, be but sworn my love
And I’ll find myself 240 pounds again.

Or how about Charles Dickens?

“It was the best of snacks, it was the worst of snacks; it was the age of weight loss, it was the age of weight gain; we had pounds before us, we had pounds behind us; we were all going directly to the Pringles aisle, we were all going the other way.”

A little L. Frank Baum never hurt:

“No matter how dreary these salty snacks are, we people of flesh and blood would rather eat them than any sort of steamed vegetable, be it ever so beautiful: There is no snack like Pringles.”

And no literary quote tour would be complete without Jane Austen:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a case of Pringles.

There you have it folks, I can’t do better than that. But that won’t stop me from trying. Enjoy your Tuesday and have a Pringle on me…

Posted in You Know What Sounds Good Right Now? | 9 Comments »

Happy Memorial Day

May 25th, 2009

I’d write more, but I gotta start making burgers for grilling. (In other words, I’m taking the day off. Hopefully you can too!)

But speaking of burgers, check this out:

Click on the image for more. I wants me one of them!

Posted in Magical Mystery Tour | 6 Comments »

« Older Entries. . .